School has barely started, and already I cannot seem to stop eating!  What can I do to prevent excessive weight gain?

The Rogue Muncher of the Library

Dear Rogue Muncher,

Never fear, stressing out and studying is highly likely to burn the excess calories you've been ingesting - or so I'd like to believe.   It's a favorite theory of mine that the amount of food you crave is directly related to the energy you need to endure mental hardship.  In fact, I've come to believe that helping law students survive was the precise reason most comforts foods were invented in the first place.  The existence and purpose of wonderful inventions like the Oreo and the fried chicken simply do not make complete sense until you have a Con Law exam looming ahead of you.   Like a toddler realizing that spoons are scooping and not for throwing, and that one kid in kindergarten who realizes glue is for, well, gluing and not for sniffing, you too will see that chocolates and marshmallows are not for moderate enjoying but mandatory consumption.

You will have a lifetime after the bar to lose weight.  But you only can take that Torts exam once.  So don't worry too much, and don't forget that many of the neighboring restaurants can deliver directly to the school.

Sending you many, many bon appétit's,

Yunji

P.S.   I would also like to officially state that I am in no way qualified as a nutritionist, dietician, or health professional.  In fact, I would like to discourage any inference that I am an individual who hasn't suffered numerous belly aches from eating six strips of bacon at IHOP and inhaling pad thai.